I will not lie....

this past week and a half has been hard, Brandon is gone on active duty for a month, usually when he leaves I am fine, but this time is different, it could be that I am in school fulltime, trying to raise a 4 yr old. I feel so broken, so unbalanced, like I am barely staying above water, as soon as I find my tread, another crap storm hits, leaving me to feel as though I am sinking again, when I have been fighting so hard just keep my head above water. I know I am stronger than this, I keep telling myself, so why has this been so hard? I watched someone I love who had fallen down, start to pick herself up, only to watch her fall again, I am left wondering why it is we help, when most of the time people don't want help, even when they say they do. A dear friend said it is to help ourselves, something I am trying to grasp again. I became to wrapped up and now I am trying to find my way out, looking for the slightest light to begin walking towards, its been a battle to even write this, but I needed to it out...again. So I apologize to those who had already heard this and listened to me whine. Nothing is feeling right, and hasn't for a while, even things and people who usually are a comfort, have not pacified. I pray the light comes soon, and that I catch up on my sleep, Im not sure I can stay like this for much longer, without sinking into despair. This is my spring break damn it! I have earned it, and I am done doing things for other people on my break starting now. This was suppose to be my time, not 'cheri do this, cheri do that' I pray that the lord watches over me and yours.